Question from Andy
So today I smoked for the first time. Two of my friends are stoners and they were smoking weed and asked me if I wanted to try. I refused the first few times they offered because I just wanted to sit back and observe how they did it. I’ve wanted to try smoking but I’ve just never had access to the stuff.
I decided that I was gonna try it out. I asked for a cigarette and they were both surprised. They reminded me that I shouldn’t feel peer pressured into doing it. I told them that it’s fine and I want to try it out.
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it was nothing special. I only took a few puffs of the cigarette and then I gave it back to my friend. Mind you, it was half tobacco and half weed.
My friends were getting high but that’s because they would smoke like two or three cigarettes of weed, whereas I only had a few breaths. I didn’t really experience getting high, but I’d like to try it again one day. Just once.
I’m aware of the health problems and addiction risks, but getting high once won’t have much effect on me in the long term. I don’t have any interest in going out and buying my own cigarettes (I can’t anyway because I’m only 15) and stuff. I don’t care about cigarettes or anything like that.
All I want is the experience; that’s why I only wanna try it once. Also, tobacco tastes gross. The taste is still in my mouth and it’s been like five hours (I’ve chewed a lot of gum and ate a few snacks and lunch since then).
But anyway, I just wanted to tell someone because I’m proud of myself in the fact that I had the experience and now I don’t have to worry about wanting to try it in the future.
I’m wording this all wrong LOL and I know I’m making it seem like I crave the feeling of weed, but that’s not the case. I just want to experience as many things in my life as possible, even some of the sketchy things.
Weezy
I understand what you are saying and you are expressing yourself very well.
Despite every possible warning that adults may present to kids regarding all variety of harmful behaviors, smoking, drinking, drugs, speeding, fire is hot, etc., some kids will happily back away from the flame and some will stick their hand in just to see for themselves.
There is a certain amount of “need to experience” in all humans. The reason you can walk into a room without any desire to lick the doorknob is because you did that when you were 2 years old and you fully understand that doorknobs are not tasty.
Weed, however, is intoxicating. Smoking is addictive. It’s horrible for your lungs. Speeding can kill you and cause you to kill others. You are warned that certain actions are dangerous to yourself and others because they are. However, you are the only person who can set up behavior standards that feel wise and right to you.
My best advice is that, while your brain and body are still developing, you do not introduce drugs, narcotics, tobacco or alcohol. The infrastructure of bones, muscle, tissue and synapses that is forming within you will be going the distance with you. Build the mind and body you will need.
Everything you learn below the age of 25 takes greater root — whether it be smoking weed or learning to play an instrument. Sure, you can experience being high, but do that after you reach the age of 21. If you are currently feeling anxious, learn meditation. That practice will take you much further than drugs ever will.
Once you reach the age of 21, alcohol is legal. Pot is legal in many states. Cigarettes are legal although I can not recommend strongly enough that you NEVER get yourself addicted to tobacco.
YOU will decide for yourself what you will and won’t use and what works best for you. As a child it’s understandable that you want to experience these things, but laws exist for reasons. We want you to grow into the best possible you.
I love that your friends are not pressuring you, but people do tend to hang around with other people who are doing what they are doing. If you have stoner friends, then you will probably either start using or drift toward friends who do not use. That’s the harsh truth of it.
Yes, the taste of tobacco is unpleasant to you now but beware. You will get used to it and come to crave it very quickly. Think about who you would like to be. Once the addiction kicks in, it’s the addiction making decisions for you. While your mind is still free to operate on its own, make an important decision.
There is so much knowledge, travel, art, music, culture and joy in this world to experience. Reaching for the sketchy stuff can undermine all of it. Please be thoughtful and careful.
(MassGeneralHospital video)
• • •
Question from Nathan
My girlfriend of one month bought me more than $300 worth of gifts! While it was so sweet and she was so happy to give it to me, I feel like she was trying to buy my love.
She has had bad relationships in the past, but I just love her for her. What can I do to show/tell her? Should I give her back the gifts? I mean she got me a keychain ( with a joke on it ), my favorite scented candle, Tommy Hilfiger shoes, Versace cologne gift set, Gucci cologne and an Apple Watch.
I mean she is just the best! But this didn’t make me love her any more! I Just love her.
Weezy
Give everything back except one gift that is under $20. Maybe keep the keychain or the candle. The rest of these gifts are highly inappropriate. Accepting them would be a mistake.
Remind her that you love her for her and talk about spending limits on gifts for each other that seem reasonable. For kids under 18, I would say spend no more than $50 a year on one other. You can show your love by making things for each other like photo collages and drawings and ceramics and beaded items.
Sometimes when kids come from a home where money is no object they lack the awareness of authentic value. If kids see their parents mixing up money with love, then the child would have no way of grasping the difference.
You can help this girl do that. Teach her what matters most to you. Help her see that honesty, wisdom, kindness, humor and integrity are what you treasure. This lesson could be the greatest gift she ever receives.
• • •
Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.
— Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She also hosts a weekly video podcast called Things I Found Online, and teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.
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